I think it's refreshing these days that across social media, as parents we are seeing more and more very honest portrayals of motherhood. It's relatable and it makes you feel a lot less alone when you notice that actually, not everyone has it together all of the time and yes, you're not the only parent with a huge wash pile that never ends. But it seems that the scales have tipped so much from one extreme to the other and now I'm actively seeing people both online and off, vilified for seeming to cope just fine with being a Mum, as if in some way if they're not seen to be struggling, or documenting those struggles, then their version of motherhood isn't 'real'. So while I champion talking about the realities of what parenthood is like, both the highs and lows, I'm really not liking this drastic move into labelling something that isn't your reality not 'real'.
I've touched on it briefly before when Kate Middleton gave birth to Louie, she was criticised heavily by a lot of fellow Mums on the fact she looked so great after just having a baby. Even just typing that sentence baffles me, why anyone would want to drag someone for looking and doing well. I'm aware it's not the norm for most of us, but then most of us aren't a princess and so it's a little extreme to attempt to relate her birthing experience to anyone elses. I'm sure Kate is moaning that fellow Mum Becky isn't portraying 'real motherhood', because she can nip to Asda in her leggings and flip flops were as Kate can't. It's insane. Because someone else has a different reality to you, does not make theirs any less real, it's just simply different.
There's also a real shift in the way people are expected to portray motherhood across social media and I'm growing to really dislike it. Don't get me wrong, my boys are pains in the ass a lot of the time, they're so close in age and with a three year old that thinks hes fifteen in his head, it's tough. But I think that goes without saying? I don't feel the need to highlight every single low my child is having in order to relate to the thousands, it's an odd compromise. It might look as though I'm always portraying the best but I don't think that's true, I do share some of the harder parts of life it's just that when the boys are driving me up the wall and shouty Mum is out, I'm not exactly there grabbing my phone to capture the moment. Just because people are selective about what they put out there, really doesn't mean they're trying to portray an unrealistic lifestyle, I'm a lot more mindful now my eldest is at school about what I'm saying in the public domain, what you do on the internet isn't footprints in the snow, they don't fade away, it's big giant footprints in wet concrete.
My boys really are my best friends, they're my tribe and the other two thirds of my team and I love them emphatically, but it just feels as though if I say that, it comes off a little smug? It rubs people up the wrong way almost? I don't want to be plastering my boys across social media calling them dickheads and talking about how awful they've been every single day, sure it might relate well with other mums but it wont relate well with me if they ever see that when they grow up. When I look back on my own childhood, I see pictures of all these great times, such happy memories, I don't sit there and judge my Mum for only snapping the good moments, because of course that's what she did. Isn't that why we record these things? Because we want to remember the good times? I don't want a scrapbook full of moments that relate to everyone else, but don't relate to me in fifteen years, I want to reflect with rose tinted glasses, however real or unreal that might be.
My views on all the above don't apply to others however, I'm definitely of the mindset 'each to their own' and only us as individuals know what is right for our family set up. I think years of being so active across social media has definitely changed my outlook on other mothers though, while I appreciate the sharing of how everyones kids haven't eaten their tea or how a trip to the shops was absolute hell thanks to the toddlers, I realise that everything is so subjective. Someone else's reality can be a million miles away from mine, that is still their reality, just because it isn't similar to mine doesn't make it inauthentic and we shouldn't have to see and hear about mothers at their absolute worse, to feel better about our own standing.
There's also a real shift in the way people are expected to portray motherhood across social media and I'm growing to really dislike it. Don't get me wrong, my boys are pains in the ass a lot of the time, they're so close in age and with a three year old that thinks hes fifteen in his head, it's tough. But I think that goes without saying? I don't feel the need to highlight every single low my child is having in order to relate to the thousands, it's an odd compromise. It might look as though I'm always portraying the best but I don't think that's true, I do share some of the harder parts of life it's just that when the boys are driving me up the wall and shouty Mum is out, I'm not exactly there grabbing my phone to capture the moment. Just because people are selective about what they put out there, really doesn't mean they're trying to portray an unrealistic lifestyle, I'm a lot more mindful now my eldest is at school about what I'm saying in the public domain, what you do on the internet isn't footprints in the snow, they don't fade away, it's big giant footprints in wet concrete.
My boys really are my best friends, they're my tribe and the other two thirds of my team and I love them emphatically, but it just feels as though if I say that, it comes off a little smug? It rubs people up the wrong way almost? I don't want to be plastering my boys across social media calling them dickheads and talking about how awful they've been every single day, sure it might relate well with other mums but it wont relate well with me if they ever see that when they grow up. When I look back on my own childhood, I see pictures of all these great times, such happy memories, I don't sit there and judge my Mum for only snapping the good moments, because of course that's what she did. Isn't that why we record these things? Because we want to remember the good times? I don't want a scrapbook full of moments that relate to everyone else, but don't relate to me in fifteen years, I want to reflect with rose tinted glasses, however real or unreal that might be.
My views on all the above don't apply to others however, I'm definitely of the mindset 'each to their own' and only us as individuals know what is right for our family set up. I think years of being so active across social media has definitely changed my outlook on other mothers though, while I appreciate the sharing of how everyones kids haven't eaten their tea or how a trip to the shops was absolute hell thanks to the toddlers, I realise that everything is so subjective. Someone else's reality can be a million miles away from mine, that is still their reality, just because it isn't similar to mine doesn't make it inauthentic and we shouldn't have to see and hear about mothers at their absolute worse, to feel better about our own standing.
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