WHAT'S A 'REAL' MUM

I feel quite lucky in that my small circle of women is a one that supports, builds up and congratulates each other on everything. Whether one of us got dressed before noon within the first six months of motherhood, or that we managed to cook something other than beige - I know these girls will be there with bells and whistles to triumph together. It seems the vast majority of mothers I follow across social media are very much the same, we understand it's a roller coaster and that the times that we're sitting around all day in our lunch stained pyjamas are far more regular than we all care to admit. If I stood here today and posted on Instagram how I'd lost three stone and suddenly had hips to rival Shakira, I can bet my bottom dollar that people would congratulate me on working so hard. (Note, don't fear, this will never happen, cake is too appealing) But when the likes of Kylie Jenner pop up on my feed, people aren't so kind, I'd go as far as to say they're cruel - with harps of 'this isn't what a real mum looks like'. What's with the double standard, and who is the judge and jury of 'real mums'.

I see every kind of mother when I scroll through my social media. Some have their shit well and truly together, they're wearing custom vest tops with all their children's names and they're posing in all the right ways for the sake of the 'gram. It's idealistic to me, it's not my reality but I'd never dream of thinking let alone saying that the women isn't a 'real mum'. Of course she is, she's there with her children that she carried and birthed, anything beyond that is ambiguous, but to me that is a mother, a real mother. I can scroll past adoptive mums, two mum families, mums who have little ones who passed - the variety is wide and this is entirely why I love social media because it lets me connect with people that life wouldn't have ordinarily brought me too. These Mums are all real mums, even if their normality is worlds away from yours, it doesn't make them any less real and it's quite insulting to suggest so. Only last year Beyonce posed with her newborn twins and received the biggest backlash, for simply looking great. A picture is a snapshot of a second in time, we have no idea what else is going on but yet she was still berated for not portraying 'real motherhood'.

Using Kylie Jenner as my complete reference point now, it's easy to see why she's posing in underwear, work out gear and generally seems to have sprung right back to herself. We only have to look at who she was before she had a baby and to see that she hasn't lost that, sure she might be a mum now but does that automatically sign you up for frumpy dressing gowns and granny pants - no. She can be entirely who she wishes to be and motherhood doesn't have to define her. I'm seeing daily calls for her to portray this 'real motherhood' again, as if by seeing her at her absolute worse, would somehow make everyone else feel better. Why can't we champion someone for looking great, I'm sure I wouldn't be subject to the same abuse if I flaunted a weight loss and great body (again, I have neither) why should it matter that because she has twenty million eyes looking her way, she should be 'relatable'. Kylie Jenner was never relatable to me before, why would she be now? She's more idealistic, just like the insta mum with her matching vest tops.

So now that we've all accepted we'll never look like a millionaire, teenage celebrity, is it time we all started to be a little kinder? The term 'real mum', really irritates me, as long as someone has children and is their mother - then they are a real mum, even if their real doesn't look anything like yours. We seem to make examples of celebrities when it comes to motherhood, I'm sure millions of new mums want to lose weight post baby and get their 'pre baby body' back, and if they headed to the gym none of us would care, we certainly wouldn't berate them about it. But when that person is someone with a few million in the bank, and featuring on the daily mail for doing so, suddenly it's unacceptable. There is a huge double standard in the motherhood bubble, and seeing any other mother at her absolute worse wouldn't tell me how 'real' she is, anymore than seeing her at her best.

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