2020

I'm being cliche before I start this, I already know. I really didn't want to do a whole 'new year, new me' post, because that couldn't be further from my mindset - but it feels like the elephant in the room not to acknowledge it's a brand new year, especially given how much happened in 2019. If you're new here, I am now a single Mum, my choice and one that I am happy with, however it doesn't really mean that 2019 wasn't incredibly hard. A lot of upheaval, admittedly not as much for me as there was for John, but still a lot of change in our household which me and the boys are still definitely getting used to. I don't want to go into everything too much, as I'm so mindful of how what you put online isn't really footprints in the sand, more of giant footprints in wet concrete, so I don't want to put anything out there that I may want to take back in a few months or years. You have to be considerate of which I'm trying my absolute best to be. So 2020..

This year is really just going to be about me and the boys finding our grove, I want to create memories and I don't want them to be able to look back and identify that 2020 was a big year of change for them. I know I wont be able to do everything I once did and that there will obviously be a lot of difference this year compared to previous years, but I'm hoping those differences will be positive. Patrick starts school this year and that definitely worries me a little, I always thought he was ready, even though he was premature and is a June baby, I still thought he was ready from last year, but now as time goes on I'm seeing a lot of things in him that I know he'll struggle with at school. He gets so tired so easily and will often fall asleep in the car if he doesn't get a nap, he is a bit of a fussy eater and will turn his nose up at school dinners if he can get away with that etc. I just know there will be teething problems that we never had with Noah, plus Noah had the benefit of attending school for half days for seven months prior to starting full time, something Pip wont get because of his age. That being said, I do think school will be the making of him, he's so excited to go and talks about all the teachers constantly as he hears their names from Noah. I'm nervous for him, as he obviously doesn't know how different it will be and though I'm sure it'll be tough initially, I know he'll adore it just as much as Noah did.

At the end of 2019 we were all poorly, both boys missed the last two days of school / playgroup, as we just couldn't shift this cold and flu virus that seems to have struck almost everyone in December. I honestly can't ever recall feeling that poorly in my life, bar during Patricks pregnancy. It was horrendous. Especially when you yourself feel that affected, but you still have to parent two little ones who are also struggling, thankfully the weekend came and I was able to pass the baton over to John to recover somewhat, by which point both boys had returned to their happy selves. I'm presuming I had the flu, though I can't be certain, I know no ordinary cold has ever made me feel that way before, it was awful and I really feel for the boys if they felt how I did as at least I have the understanding.

During this year I really want to take care of myself a bit better too, I want to find what makes me happy and do more of it, I've been trying to find new Netflix shows to get into, so any recommendations please do send my way. Just taking time out so that I don't feel forgotten about, even stupid things like a Lush bath bomb and a face mask (though the clean up after bath bombs I despise) make such a difference to my mood. I think it would be so easy for me to fall into a negative spiral but I'm determined for this year to be one in which I better myself. My blog will be getting full focus, as I definitely let that slip whenever I felt low, even though writing here is such a therapy for me - I need to remember that when I'm not in a good mindset. I think when something like this is your full time job, it's so easy to feel under pressure and pressure never does me any good, but I'm going to go back to my 2018 blogging ways, set myself a little schedule and try my best to stick to it. Being organised helps me feel better so it seems silly not to do that.

As for everything else I don't really have a plan. I'd love to get away with the boys this year, probably to my parents place in Spain, the thought of going alone with just me and them is a little overwhelming but I do think I should push myself to do it. I have grandparents over there so I know I'll never be totally alone, but it would be a big adjustment. We'll just have to see how things go. Hopefully 2020 will be a little kinder to us all.