I keep thinking about it more and more, perhaps because he's my last baby and he really has felt so small for so long, maybe it's because he's only really just hit three and it still feels too soon, I'm not sure, but it's only one year till Patrick heads to school. I know that because Noah was a December baby, we got that whole extra year with him, whereas Pip really is going to be one of the youngest in his class. Though I know while he'll be tiny in stature and smaller in age, he absolutely will not be a shrinking violet, because he's bursting at the brim with personality and I can't wait for everyone else to get a slice of him, even though it means we will be waving him off every morning.

Patrick is a perfect parcel of love and feistiness, he is a big persona in our household and has easily been the more difficult out of the boys growing up so far. I don't feel bad in writing that, I'm sure I'll happily tell him as he grows what a handful he was, especially in comparison to Noah, but I know it wont matter as the scales will probably tip continuously throughout their childhood and teenage years, like we all did with my parents. What is clear though is the huge hole he's going to leave in the house whilst he's out of it, he is forever keeping me on my toes and when he's not around to do that I know I'm going to miss him so terribly.

I think as he's grown up, I forever wished for the next stage hoping he'd become 'easier', when in reflection he wasn't difficult, I just wasn't fully equip for a more boisterous little boy. But after three years I know him inside and out, he truly is my best bud and I there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thankful to be his Mummy. I'm going to miss needing eyes in the back of my head every day, I'm going to miss those sleepy snuggles we have for a good thirty minutes every morning as it's replaced with that school run rush we're already so familiar with. Before I know it we'll be approaching the end of next August and my hours with my littlest boy will be ticking away at rocket speed, I just dread it.

The next year is going to be our year, I don't feel like we do much one and one, even though we get time together every week, we don't actually go and do much that is super exciting as I always feel guilty for Noah, as if in some way he'd resent being at school when he finds out what me and his brother have been up to. But now Noah is that bit older I think I'm well able to explain it to him, Noah had us for two and a half years before Pip came along, so I do want to make sure Pip gets that quality time he's never really had.

So going forward I'm making a little note, it'll probably materialise into an actual note, that I'll lose fifty times over (the thought is there right?) of everything I want to do with him over the next 12 months. I know people will probably roll their eyes and think, he's three, he won't remember any of this in ten years, but I will, and I want to make sure that I send my baby off to school knowing I gave him the best of me while I still had him to myself.

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