If you've followed me for a while you'll know that I have been a single parent since 2019 when I decided to leave the boys Dad, it's still the best decision I've ever made and most definitely the right one for me and the children. I do have to say since being a single Mum I feel as though my relationship with my boys just gets stronger and closer every single day, we are a team and I know they adore our set up as much as I do. But that is what makes introducing a partner into that so incredibly important, you absolutely have to get it right as so many don't and the implications on children can truly affect them for the rest of their life. I've witnessed it sadly first hand on the other side of the parenting with the boys and I certainly was not about to put them through anything like that myself. That being said I thought I'd share my story and what I did do, it's generally a mystery from the outside isn't it? You see a casual arm on an instagram story then before you know it they're everywhere.
Luckily, I have a Tom. Tom's don't come around too often and when he did I knew whatever and whenever I felt was the right time for him to meet the boys, he was completely onboard with. He knew that they come before his or my feelings and nothing would be done without them at the absolute forefront of every single decision we made. When I left the boys dad, we'd sat down at a point and mutually agreed that we felt a six month mark was around the right time to introduce a partner and it is something I still stand by being completely the right thing. I know some people do it differently, some move faster and some a lot slower, but for us, at the time where no bias was involved, I think that decision was a good and fair one.
Naturally being the cautious person I am whenever it comes to my children, I waited longer. I knew I'd never regret taking things slower but I've certainly witnessed people regret rushing things. Even though I was a single parent and didn't have much free time without work or the boys, I wasn't about to let my lifestyle force them into a rushed situation. Around the 5-6 months mark I let the boys hear about the concept of Tom, they knew Mum had a boyfriend, they'd see his name on my phone and when they'd asked what I'd done when they were at their Dads, I would mention him in my plans. Being the inquisitive babes they are, they had a lot of questions - mainly being 'What football team does he support?'. I had a gut instinct they'd all get on like a house on fire and of course when they met, they did. For us our first meeting was casual, a play in the park together and a walk, you simply can't chuck children in at the deep end and I wanted the opportunity to spend a few hours together and we go home so that they have me to themselves again. It's easy to forget what a big change it can be for children who are used to a three suddenly having an extra person in the mix, it was important to me that they where comfortable. From there we moved slowly until around a month or two later when Tom first spent the night with the boys in the house, it was a natural progression and definitely the right one.
We're a couple of years down the line now and with the merging of households on the horizon, I look back and know I played it right. But it's always a worry isn't it? You don't know until it's done and you have to go with your gut, only you know your children and I think if your person isn't happy to wait or be patient then they're probably not the right person for you. I am incredibly lucky how well Tom and the boys get on, they respect him and more importantly he respects them. He knows the boundaries and he never oversteps them, he doesn't enforce being their Dad on them because he isn't, the boys very much have a Dad (regardless of my views on him) and Tom is so understanding of that. I've seen first hand the results of people pushing their presence on children in such a forceful manner, it never works, children are so perceptive and you truly only get one chance to make a good impression. I do feel lucky that it's all gone so smoothly, every single day the boys ask if they're seeing Tom today, he shows up to their events, he wants to know how their days have been, he even runs the park run with them encouraging them every step of the way, he's just as much of a supporter of them as I am - which I don't think you could ask for more in a partner.
But the boys deserve so much credit, despite being a bit tainted by other experiences they've had with other people in their lives (not in my household) they truly took Tom in their stride and fully gave him a chance. Noah and Pip have their own relationships with Tom, they have their own funny jokes together and both have their favourite things about him that are totally different. I'm sure Noah loves the fact he can talk football 24/7 with him and despite supporting different teams, they completely unite over their adoration for the sport. I know Patrick couldn't be happier to have someone who is happy to play something at the drop of a hat, whether that's a board game, a kick about in the garden or a game of fifa together, it's their thing. I trust in the boys and I know they trust in me as that is how our relationship is and I'm so glad that whilst there's a new dynamic in our trio that it's a very positive one.
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