For some reason I always presume that most of you who read here already follow me on social media, and therefore know most of the goings on in my life. A little naive really given algorithms these days and even I don't see most of what the accounts I follow publish, but it's just something I always assumed given the majority of my traffic to personal posts like these, derives from my social platforms. Anyway, if you didn't know that me and John parted ways, well now you do. Since doing so, I've been asked a lot how I'm finding life as a 'single parent', one well meaning friend even suggested writing that in my social media bios as it's a new niche, and while I agree it's a great way to find other parents in similar situations, I just don't feel like it's me. Yes technically I am single, but am I a single parent? I don't think so.
I just don't think that's a category I slot into. There are so many single Mums and Dads out their, raising their children alone and absolutely smashing it, however the boys don't just have me, John is very much an active part of their lives and so to say I'm a single mum not only feels like a disservice to him, but would feel like one to all those parents who truly are single handily raising their little ones. I follow a lot of amazing single parents on Instagram for example, they don't get a break, they don't get a day to have some breathing space, it's full on and relentless, every waking moment of theirs they are in parent mode and while it's something I absolutely admire and credit them for, that isn't my reality.
The boys are with me the majority of the time, but I know if John was able to be as flexible about his work as I can be with mine, that would be much more equal. He's active in taking them to their sports classes or extra curricular activities, he cooks them food and puts them to bed when they're in his care, just in the same way I do whilst they're with me, he's still such an involved Dad. I couldn't imagine it any other way and I don't think the boys will ever know different.
For me when I see so many parents really doing their absolute best 100% of the time, by themselves, they are single parents. Not me who can binge watch Love Island all day on a Sunday if I want, or lay in on a Monday morning till ten o'clock, I'd feel like a fraud trying to label myself as one. I truly do think being a single parent is probably one of the hardest things people have to do and I don't want to be stealing away anyones' thunder by giving myself that title. Plus I don't think it would be fair to portray a picture of never struggling (don't worry I couldn't portray that anyway) acting as though I'm just muddling along, when the reality is I do get a child free day, I am able to have time to myself in which I can do the food shop alone, play the sims (yes!) or even sit here and work in absolute peace. I get a day in which my house is tidied, barely albeit, but it stays that way all day and for that reason I just would feel unjust giving myself the single parent label, that so many people absolutely slog so hard under.
No comments
*