SO SCHOOL BEGINS

It always felt so far away, that first year they're born sometimes the days pass like weeks and the weeks themselves feel like they're never ending. But from a parent that just waved her son off at the school gates, I promise you time flies. Not when you're having fun, not when you're having bad days either, I don't really know how or when these years passed us by but they have and whilst I'm tinged with a bittersweet feeling, I'm excited for Noah to begin what I'm sure will be one hell of a roller coaster ride through education.

It wasn't as nervy for neither Noah or me this week, you see we were fortunate he was able to attend his school every afternoon since January - a benefit in our area of turning four before Christmas. He's made friends, he knows the teachers and is confident finding his way around the playground, so I've never really doubted how he'll take to school so to speak, it's more the journey he's beginning and wont be ending till he hits eighteen. I barely feel old enough to have a child at all, never mind having one that attends primary school but it shouldn't come as a shock should it? I've only had the last almost five years to adjust the fact I would be handing him over to a teacher this week. 2018 felt a million miles away as I held a tiny newborn in my arms, I say tiny, at 9lb 13 he probably wasn't what most would perceive as a dinky baby. But he was, and still is my little baby boy. I might look at him next to his brother, or compare him to photos 'this time last year' and marvel at how much he's grown but as we stepped into that playground, his hand firmly grasped in mine, he felt as little as he did on day one.

He's ready for school, I know that he is. I can't keep him as entertained as he needs to be at home and I don't have the patience to do maths or phonics every single day, so I know he's having the best time whilst he's there. But it's hard isn't it, knowing that you're not the only person now leaving your mark on them? I often feel like little ones are made of glass, that anyone that enters there life leaves fingerprints or smudges, and it's tough not knowing if they'll be good or bad, if those prints will be fleeting or last till he's a parent himself. More so that I'm not going to be there with a shiny polish cloth scrubbing them all off again, but instead he has to work his way around half his day himself now and put his best foot forward.

I'm going to miss Noah not being at home, he's my reliable little boy, I can depend on him and honestly, he's like a little friend. Just on Monday whilst his brother napped, he asked if we could snuggle together and watch a film, to which of course I obliged. We hopped into my bed and began chatting about what we had to do tomorrow, with him nooked firmly under my arm I noticed his replies becoming few and far between until they ceased completely. There lay my sweaty little four year old all cuddled up, fast asleep on a Monday afternoon. I'm not sure when the last time Noah fell asleep in my arms was because that's the tinge of sadness in children's lasts, so often we don't know they were just that, until you never have one again. I feel like Noah dealt me his sleepy self as one final little burst that he knew I needed. It was the perfect way to end our first four years together and whilst I really hope it wasn't the last time, if it was then thank you son.